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by RedgraveQueen



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-17 14:13:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29226789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedgraveQueen/pseuds/RedgraveQueen
Summary: This fic is set two years since Bernie went missing in action. Her body was never found... until Serena received a phone call that turned her world upside down.
Relationships: Serena Campbell/Bernie Wolfe
Comments: 1
Kudos: 58





	1. Chapter 1

Serena approaches her front door, just as the clouds explode, producing a dazzling flash of light and a blast of icy rain. The first few drops hit her as she jams with the key In the lock with haste. 

“Bernie?” 

She doesn’t like the lack of response. This is the first time she’s left Bernie alone since she was discharged from hospital the day before. She wasn’t anticipating it being quite so soon but running out of milk had left her with no other option; not with the amount of coffee they consume between them in the space of a day. She had suggested that they go together, that a walk might be nice and do Bernie good but she’d remained adamant that she’d be better of waiting at home... That she wasn’t quite ready to face the outside world. Initially, Serena had tried to protest but the determined look in Bernie’s eyes told her that it was pointless. She’d always been stubborn. 

She continues through to the kitchen and when she finds no sign, she abandons her shopping and heads for the stairs. She finds Bernie on the bed, sat up facing the window with her knees drawn up to her chest. She doesn’t seem to have noticed Serena entering the room. If she has, she has chosen not to respond. It suddenly occurs to her that Bernie could be frightened by the storm. 

Serena had been dumbfounded when she’d received the call some months ago... she’d fallen to the ground with the news that her love was alive and was in fact in England; in a psychiatric hospital where she had been being treated for serve trauma for the past two years. Having Bernie home with her had then been the ultimate goal. There was no way she was going to get better, stuck in that place, staring at the same four walls day after day. After an emotional reunion and A host of equally heart wrenching visits, Bernie had decided she wanted nothing more that to be discharged and to be with Serena. She was apprehensive though at leaving the security of the ward and it had taken months to convince doctors she was well enough to be discharged. 

Deep down, they’re both well aware that Bernie is still poorly but Serena is sure she’s the best person to care for the woman she loves so dearly. 

She sits down on the bed as softly as she can, mindful of not startling her. 

“Bern?” 

She jumps but wears a warm smile. 

“Hey. I didn’t hear you come in! I was just watching the storm. Isn’t it incredible?” 

Serena wraps her arm around her shoulder, utterly relieved. 

“Incredible. Just like someone I know!” 

She nudges Bernie, making her blush the colour of the berries on the holly tree outside. She was never one to take a compliment easily. She stands, releasing herself from Serena’s embrace and wanders over to the open window. The thunder is louder than they’ve ever known and the rain is so heavy GJ can barely see through it... though whatever Bernie is seeing, she’s fascinated by. 

“I’m going to get ready for bed now. I’m shattered!” 

Bernie turns and nods. 

Serena undresses quietly and Bernie turns back around, neither quite sure where the boundary lies. They love each other with every ounce of energy they posses, neither of them have attempt to hide that, from the moment they were reunited. But privacy on a psychiatric ward is incredibly limited. The previous night had been about helping Bernie to settle into her new home. They’d been elated when they’d arrived home and Bernie was more vocal that she’d been since their first meeting. 

“This is the start of our future Bern” 

Serena had told her excitedly, as she helped her unpack her few belongings. 

“The way It always should have been!” 

Regret pulses through both of them at a mention of their past mistakes. None of this would have happened, if they’d been open about their and communicated like adults. They both realised that pretty soon after that fateful December day. 

They hadn’t said any more about the past after those few words but they’d held each other and later, by mutual silent agreement had gotten into the same bed. They’d chatted about the world, about space, about time. Anything other than themselves and the gap they’d created between themselves. Bernie had been incredibly tired after the move and the medication that had in the past, always failed to knock her out. 

Serena had taken her hand, as her eyes drifted shut and she’d snuggled down further under the duvet. 

Now, she climbs into bed silently. And Serena reaches out to her once again, gently, mindful of not pushing Bernie too far too soon. She craves more... wants nothing more than to gather her in her arms, tell her no harm will ever come to her again. Instead, she lies a foot away, gently curling her fingers around Bernie’s.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

12:32

Serena has been lying facing the ceiling for the previous two hours. A million thoughts running at top speed through her head. Bernie's breathing has finally become level and shallow, indicating that shes managed to drift off. Serena is somewhat jealous. some nights (especially now she knows that her love is safe and well) she sleeps like a baby. some nights, her mind is laden with the weight of the mistakes shes made, her stomach aching with guilt as her heart pounds. On these nights, regret is her most prominent emotion. If only she'd been braver... more honest with Bernie. if only she'd done things differently; the precious bundle at the side of her would be at peace- would not be plagued by memories of traumas so awful she refuses to speak of. So awful shes spent the past two years institutionalized because she was too unwell to function in the real world. and that's not even touching on the physical effects. The way she walks with a limp and winces as she clutches her back each time she changes position. the scar that trails down the left side of her body. on her conscience. Sometimes, she can hardly bare the thought that Bernie has payed for her selfish mistakes... Decides that she'd do anything in the world to swap places with her, to take on the pain that she deserves to carry. But guilt weighs heavy too and she takes comfort in the fact she too suffers.

Bernie groans slightly, as if on purpose, to pull Serena back to the present.   
Somehow and by something she can only describe as a miracle, she's been handed a second chance. A chance to change things, to make it right. to make Bernie better. to keep her safe. Suddenly the other woman is bolt up right, breathing fast, gasping as she pushes the duvet from her hot body. Panic stricken, Serena reaches over tentatively, gently taking hold of Bernie's shoulders.  
"Bernie? What's happening sweetheart?"  
She relaxes into Serena slightly as her breathing begins to slow.  
"Another nightmare."  
she whispers slowly, into the cool night air. Serena embraces her fully now, allowing her forehead to rest against Bernie who says no more but for the first time, allows the other woman to physically comfort her. Serena relishes the feeling of closeness, of the warm body flush to her own. She smells like coconuts and face cream... and home. 

"I've missed you..." Serena whispers, stoking loose strands of hair from her damp forehead. Bernie remains silent. Its raining now, heavily (the aftermath of the storm) and both women enjoy the sound of it pounding against the window. its soothing... as is the feeling of their hearts beating in unison, as Serena lays back, gently pulling Bernie with her and pulling the duvet up around their shoulders. Bernie finally breaks the silence.  
"don't let go" she mutters, pressing her face into Serena's chest, finally reveling in the comfort and safety of the woman she loves so dearly.  
"I'm never going to let you go. Never again. I'm sorry angel... I'm so sorry" Sobs break through her quivering voice.   
"It wasn't your fault..."  
In truth, that's the last thing Serena wants to hear right now. She doesn't deserve Bernie's kind words, being let off and forgiven but the embrace of the other woman... The warmth and the safety of holding each other, wrapped in the duvet, legs entwined.

"I love you, Bernie Wolfe."  
"I love you too. So much."


End file.
